The Meaning of These Words

And now I'm going to do my best to explain the title of by blog!

So just bear with me...

When I came up with this whole idea, I have to admit I felt pretty clever, and I'm pretty sure I simultaneously had an epiphany. Basically, there are two parts to this whole concept of becoming wreckless, and I'll do my best to explain both sides. 

Part One:
This first part is a very major one, and I feel obligated to fill you (whoever you might be) in on some events in my life to allow you to understand this a bit further. I can nearly promise that some parts of this post might incredibly uncomfortable, but I hope that doesn't deter you from reading-- I mean, come on, the title is becoming wreckless... I have to say some uncomfortable things at some point...

In September of 2013, I was hit by a driver that ran a stop sign. My car was t-boned. My car flipped onto the roof. My car slid down the street. My life was forever changed in a matter of minutes.

There's no way to describe a life threatening situation to some one that hasn't ever been in that position, and lately, that's one of my biggest struggles. There's no way to explain the noise a '97 Chevy Blazer makes when it slides 75 feet down the street on its roof. There's no way to explain the way it feels to be hanging upside down by your seat-belt in a car in the middle of the street at night. There's no way to explain the horror of not knowing if someone is coming to help you. There is absolutely no way to explain the terror behind losing all control of your life-- in every sense possible.

Becoming wreckless is first and foremost about keeping the car wreck I was in from defining every single aspect for my life, in the way that I feel it has for the time since that night.

With countless doctors appointments and countless tests telling me about all of the problems in my life from this wreck, it's hard to not feel like this entire situation defines me. Because in all honesty, since that night, nearly everything in my life has felt like a wreck.

It's now been seven months, and one of the most difficult things to realize is that the healing is a painfully slow process. But I am on a journey, a journey to take my life, and make the wreck less evident.

Part Two:
This part is of course related to part one.

Life is messy. Obviously some really fucking bad shit happens sometimes. What I'm slowly starting to learn is that sometimes we just need to take the messy and run with it. This is the situation that I'm in, and although I'll never be the same, I will be better someday.

And lastly, not all messy is bad-- so perhaps, at the very least someday I will take this mess and see something kinda beautiful. Even if that beauty is just found in the inner peace I hope to gain when I am able to forgive those that drove away from the wreck they caused.